Silent Tears
by Aqua Sunshine
Summary: A collection of Spirited Away oneshots, ChihiroHaku pairings so far!. Individual summaries in ficcies...pls R&R!
1. Silent Tears

**Summary – **"...I had to see you again, even if it was just from afar. I never thought that it would be this far." When you put all your hopes and dreams into just one more encounter with that special someone, and look forward every single moment for that day to come...it could be your greatest dreams come true, or completely destroy you.

**Disclaimer – **Ah…a girl can only dream, eh? XD

**Author's Note – **Hey hey! Before anyone hurts me, NO, I haven't stopped writing **The Day the Dream Ended**…I just had this idea pop into my head one day, when I was reading something, and I just wanted to get it down before it all vanishes into thin air :P This is my first attempt at a one-shot…so hopefully you'll like it! Try to guess whose POV its from, k?

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**Silent Tears**

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The months came and went, and the years flew by. There hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about you…I'd never forget you. I even tried to, at one point…but I just couldn't. We had made our promise, after all, and I always keep my promises.

I tried so hard to get to you…I tried many times, and failed many times. I suffered; I agonized…I'd missed you so much. But no magic could keep me away from you forever…I had to see you again, even if it was just from afar.

I never thought that it would be this far.

They say that people change when time passes, and that sometimes we forget things—even things that were once so important to us. But was it not the wise old Granny-Zeniiba that had said that people never actually completely forget, and that it just takes time to remember?

Well, she omitted to mention that time can also help people forget.

I had heard once that the only reason why we forget is because we want to…that some inner sense beyond our reach and knowledge can decipher this and grant us our unspoken desire of erasing certain things from our memories. Certain things…or certain people.

Is that what happened? Did you wish to forget? Forget about the blissful times, however short, we had spent together? Forget our special moments which I so cherish, when we took to the sky and cast all our worries and differences aside? Did you wish to forget the promise that I had made you…or the one that you had made me?

_Did you wish to forget about me?_

I'm watching you now from afar…my shock at seeing you like this had halted my steps and made my heart go numb. My excitement at seeing you again beaten out of existence at the sight of the shiny gold band on your left hand, and the sight of your familiarly beautiful and gentle form dangerously close with that of another—and the sight of the two of you kissing passionately under the clear night sky. _Our _night sky.

_It hurts. Unbearably so._

Perhaps I should have tried harder to break the spells that bound me from coming to you. However hard and painful it would have been, if I had succeed in getting to you sooner…it would have all been worth it—you are worth everything to me…did you know that?

_I never got to tell you…just how I feel about you._

Perhaps I should have kept in mind more carefully that our time passes differently from one another. I should have known that time passes differently for humans and spirits.

_Just why you were and always will be so important to me…_

Perhaps if I had realized sooner…then I would not have to be killed twice by the pain of being separated from you…the pain of watching you leave and giving you my blessings, when all I'd ever wanted was to _be_ that blessing. Be the one to protect you, to share happiness with you…to share my whole life with you.

_I realize it now…a little too late._

I am hiding now in the shadows, watching you gaze lovingly into the eyes of another…with that same gaze of which you had once used to look upon me. Did it mean anything to you then? It did to me. A lot. I close my eyes in pain, my head started to turn slowly away in attempt to block out this scurrility.

_I love you. _

A solitary tear slid down my cheek in one liquid-smooth motion, gently and quietly…unnoticed by myself, and unseen by you. You who are and has always been my purpose, my very life, my only love…you who I weep for…alone…because of that unshakable feeling I feel for you, from the bottom of my heart. That feeling which I had felt when I first met you…when I first fell in love with you.

_And I always will._

The flickering of the thousand stars in the clear night sky; the gentle moonlight illuminating your tender features; the look in your eyes as they glowed with unmistakable love…

More tears slid down quietly, one after another. My heart feels as if it is being stabbed by a knife with every breath I take…the pain of never having you by my side again, too unbearable to comprehend. But that look in your eyes, at this very moment…

_And that's why I will go, and leave you in peace now…sayonara, my love._

Smiling a sad smile as I watched you from afar, my eyes burning with fresh tears of my love for you…I took one last long gaze at you, memorizing all of your details and engraving them into a picture that I will always keep in my heart.

_I will always love you and you alone…that is my promise to you. It had always been a promise._

I turned once again towards the cold moon, and slid silently and unnoticed into the night, a frail silvery line flying back to the unknown and the nothingness

_A promise I will keep unto eternity._

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Well…that's it! What do you think?? With so many "happy-go-sappy" Spirited Away fics I've been seeing lately, I just thought mebbe it's time for something angsty…could be just a mood, I guess. Was it really obvious that it was from Haku's POV from the start?? When I wrote it, I tried to leave out any specifics until the end, so that it could work both ways…because it might've, ya neva know n.n

As a sidenote, I just wanna mention that all the lines in _italics _are one continuation of Haku's thoughts (or Chihiro's…whichever way you wanna see this)…somehow they just sorta worked their own way into the whole setting. And hey, they fit in alrite, duntcha think??

Hopefully none of you will wanna murder me after you read this…I really would like to live past my 18th birthday, if you'll all lemme XD Hehehe…but as long as ya keep the pain to a minimal, pls review and tell me what you think, K?? And while you're at it…read my other fic too!

Until next time then!  
  
Aqua Sunshine XD


	2. Somwhere Between Life and Death

**SuMmArY –** "I'm not afraid to die… Because I know you're waiting for me… On the other side of this boarder between life and death." Is there a limit to how much one should give themselves away? How much one should love? What happens...when someone you love steals your very self away and leave you with nothing...?

**DiScLaImEr – **::ahem:: Umma…I think this is where I state the _very_ fine line between fantasy and reality…rite? Okok…I don't own "Spirited Away" or anything to do with it… ::runs off::

**AuThOr's NoTe –** What with all the studying that I'm supposed to be doing rite now for my midterm tomorrow… ::eyeing an entire dinner table stacked with notes and textbooks:: Hahaha…I thought I'd take a break…extending from the one that I was already taking two hours ago… TT So here is my second attempt at a Spirited Away one-shot XP

Gomen ne, minna…with the little time I have, I haven't been able to write my ongoing Spirited Away fic at all…demo, it'll get finished…someday n.n Meanwhile, I hope you'll like this one-shot…try to guess whose POV it's from, okiez? Hahaha…it was harder to make this one not obvious though, unlike my last one-shot…mou, enuff chit-chat…enjoy!

**CaUtiOn – **Oh yeah! Almost forgot…this ficcy contains suicidal _themes_…you've been warned!! But I said "themes"…explanations at end…if I didn't scare you away, read on and hopefully you'll like it XP

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**Somewhere Between Life and Death**

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It's been so long since I last saw you; so long since I last heard you speak…since I last held your hand. Leaving you was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do…but somehow…

Somehow, you seemed to have refused to leave me.

It's been ten years since we've been separated by a cruel twist of fate, and not a day has gone by that I didn't miss you. Often I'd find myself wondering how you are…and how these past years have gone by for you. I would wonder if you'd be able to see me coming to my side of the old, abandoned theme park that used to be the portal to your world; wonder if you'd be able to see me sitting there for hours on end, as if I believe that somehow, if I sit there long enough and wish hard enough, you'd appear before me. Or I would wonder, as I lie awake in bed at night, if you'd be able to see the innumerous tears sliding down my cheeks silently and uncontrollably as I stare out at the starry sky that once belonged to _us_. Or I would wonder…

I would wonder if you'd forgotten about me already. I would wonder if those words that you said to me meant anything to you.

I would wonder if _I_ meant anything to you.

Yet…something inside me would rebel against these thoughts which continuously stab my heart like knives. Something deep inside of me tells me that you meant what you said as you let go of my hand that fateful day—that you did, and still do, feel the same way about me as you did that day.

_I love you…_

The same way I've felt about you since you first lend me your helping hand.

Even now, I can hear you as clearly as I did that day, uttering those words of yesterday—the yesterday of a lifetime ago. It's almost as if you're standing before me…

Right here before me, in the land where the mountain rises to meet the crystal blue skies, where the treetops reach out to grasp the clouds.

_I'm not afraid to die…_

_Because I know you're waiting for me…_

_On the other side of this boarder between life and death._

If ten years are not enough to forget about you—if ten years are not enough for me to move on with my life and leave you and memories of you behind…

Then I'll make this vow to you, right here and right now—

I'll never let you go.

Because we were meant to be. If not, why would we have met? Why can't I forget about you? Why, whenever I'm most alone, thoughts of you would comfort me and dry my tears? Why would I treasure those childhood days so much, when everything that's happened seem more like a dream than reality? Why does it hurt so much every time I look at the sky?

Why, even with all my friends and family around me, do I feel so…

Empty?

…so incomplete?

Why do I need you so much, if we were not meant to be?

Signing, I shielded my eyes and looked to the skies, feeling the familiar ache in my heart. A little laugh escaped my lips. Fate is a funny thing, isn't it? It shows you the one thing—or the one person—that could make you happy, satisfy the emptiness in your heart…make you complete. Then just when you begin to understand what it means to love…what it means to truly _live_…

You're taken forever from him.

Closing my eyes in pain, a lonely tear slid down my cheek unbidden. My heart, although undeniably beating, felt cold and without feeling…almost as if it was frozen over.

The desperation, the frustration, the unexplainable pain…

The fear of losing you, the fear of forgetting about you…the fear of forever being without you…

These…are the feelings that constantly plague my heart, almost driving me insane with the mental pain it gives. These are the feelings that nag at me, telling me that it might've been better if we never met…because knowing you...meeting you…

It showed me what it meant to live without this gaping hole in my heart—the hole which you've forever claimed as your place in me.

And so…these are the fears that I want to avoid at all costs…

I made a promise to you ten years ago…and I'd do anything to keep that promise, now more than ever. After all…it's two promises that I owe you, isn't it?

I took a deep breath and smiled as I looked down to the city that had been my home since the day I met you. Everything looked so small and insignificant from up here…almost as if everything and everyone important were merely toys. I look up to the blue, blue sky—our sky—and my heart soared with the pair of eagles nestling in those cliffs high above the world.

I'm going to be able to see you again soon, my Love.

Now only one last thing to do.

_Okaa-san…Otou-san…hontoo ni gomen nasai. Demo…I don't think I have a choice anymore—I see that now. I'm leaving this world behind for the one I love. Onegai…don't be sad, and don't worry about me. I think you understand what I mean…because you know what it means to love, unregrettably and unconditionally. You know that sometimes, you have to give up a lot in order to protect that which is most important to you._

_I want to protect this feeling…I want to protect this person—my moments with him, my memories of him—I want to live with that._

_I want to see him. _

_I know I can't live a complete life without him. I know I can't completely be myself with him. So please…accept my selfish request…_

_Let me go._

_I'll always love you both._

I can feel the air beneath my feet as I jumped to meet the clouds; I can feel the gusts of wind whipping past me as I descended towards the trees.

Out of nowhere in the horizon, a silver streak speeded towards me—a silver streak with scales that reflected the brilliance of the sun and emerald green eyes…

Eyes that glowed with a depth of longing and love that warmed my very soul.

_Haku…_

……………………. Owari …………………….

Wow…it's so short!! Kekeke….oh well, one-shots are supposed to take shorter time to read…rite?? XP

Anyways…since the last one-shot I wrote was from Haku's POV (well, for me, that is), I thought I'd write one with Chihiro's POV! Mou…was it really obvious who was talking/thinking the whole time??

::shrugs:: Iunno what's with me and making all my one-shots so darkly themed TT Kekeke…oh well, a lil angst is good once in awhile too, ne?? XD Anyways…To explain what I meant by only "theme"…note I didn't say she died—I only said she jumped. And so, for those of you that like to think Haku came to save Chihiro in the nick of time, go ahead. And for those of you that like to think she died and went to the Majou no Sekai and to Haku…well, that works too! Kekeke…ahhh, the beauty of writing a 2-way ficcy…avoid too many flames! n.n

And to explain also…the italics starting with "okaa-san, otou-san…" is a letter that Chihiro wrote for her parents to read. By only one more thing to do, I meant to actually…well…get off the cliff. ::scratches head:: Wow…why the hell did I just write a ficcy this dark?!?! =.=

Mmm…guess I have no more excuses ne?? Back to studying for my midterm tomorrow!! ::sighs:: u.u

As with all my ficcies and always, all criticisms, comments or suggestions are all very very much welcomed!! Please tell me what you think!

Aqua Sunshine n.n


	3. Here I Take My Last Breaths

**DiScLaImEr**** – **Aiyou…never did own Spirited Away, never will… T.T****

**ATTENTION! – **There **is** an alternative ending at the end, for your umma…reading…pleasure? Hahaha…just in case you guys don't like that first ending. The second one is happier…take your pick, and hey, tell me which one you liked better too!

**CaUtIoN**** – **Hopefully not here to scare you away! But this one-shot deals/brushes with a **death theme**…but that doesn't make it bad, honest! U.u Kekeke…still here? Hope you'll enjoy the ficcie, and dunt forget to tell me what you think!!

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**Here I Take My Last Breaths**

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The days, the months, the years…

The moments have all gone by…yet I still remain here.

_But for what reason?___

I've watched my life slip away from me, second after second, all the while staring blankly at white wall after white wall…

Seeing nothing, hearing nothing…numb to all sensations…

Except to the silently falling tears tickling my chest as they fall, one by one,

Nonstop.

All the adventures, the laughter, the opportunities, the dreams of the past…vanished as though years pass by in an eye-blink.

_What am I still doing here?_

I turn towards the windows and lifted dull brown eyes, once bright with the brilliance of life shinning through them, towards the dark night sky. The stars wouldn't be shinning tonight, I know—because the nurses had told me the skies were ladened with thick, dark, grey clouds. The nurse had seemed saddened by it, for it was the night of the full moon.

Not like it mattered to me at all—not when I could not see it.

And soon, nothing will matter ever again. I can feel it.

I have accepted it.

_So cold…it's so cold…_

"Chihiro?"

Someone was calling my name quietly…someone with an aurora oddly familiar.

_So warm…___

A hand rose to brush my stubby, budding hair and caress my face, ever so gently. I turned to look toward my late-night visitor without really seeing them. When was it that I last actually saw?

"Chihiro." Said the voice again, uttering the same word. My name? I think that's it. Ogino Chihiro. My name. I closed my eyes, wishing and willing for my vision to clear.

It didn't.

The wetness grew on my cheeks—I know my tears had started again as I felt wet droplets invade the thin layer of skin protecting my bones.

Suddenly strong arms wrapped themselves around me and two new added wetness invaded my skin—one warm and one cold.

This person was wet—dripping wetness from their soaked clothing and body from the cold rainwater mourning outside my window, and wetted further by the warm streaks of liquid steaming down their cheek—pressed against me as they held me tight.

I leaned into their hold. I couldn't see who this person is—I don't know who this person is. But I feel their warmth for me…I feel their care as they whispered brokenedly into my ear, their words riniging with a pain of no physical origin. I felt my visitor release me slightly from their tight, possessive hold. Understanding that whoever it was must be trying to take a better look at me, I opened my unseeing eyes and lifted them towards the person…

And I smiled.

It felt so strange…yet so right at the same time. How long has it been since I last smiled? I had spend practically my entire life wondering "how long?" of every aspect of my life. How long have I been like this? How long since I lost capability in everything? How much longer will I need to endure this?

How much longer must I try to hang onto a thread of life that's already been cut?

At this moment, however, none of that mattered. None of that crossed my mind as I smiled at my visitor and uttered the first thing that's come to my mind—

"Haku…"

One syllable. That's all I can manage to whisper, ever so softly, after what felt like years of not speaking. Had it been anyone else, they might have missed such an insignificant word…but this unseen person once again tightened their hold around me, burying their head in my thin shoulders and rocking me gently back and forth in spit of the many IVs strapped in my frail arms.

_I know it's you…it can only be you. I know you can understand what I'm trying to say._

"Don't leave me, Chihiro." He managed to whisper with a voice thick with tears.

Laying my head on his chest, I closed my eyes and smiled softly as my own tears resumed their course down my cheeks.

_It's too late, Haku…it's too late for me to turn back now…too late for me to try._

_It's too late. _

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The hospital was dark at night. The nurses on shift had seen the lone, dripping young man of about eighteen years run down their silent corridor, had allowed him to see the requested patient immediately, telling him to hurry…

Lest he miss his last chance to see the girl in life.

Everyday that passed by taught them that she would not be able to stay with them much longer. She had gone through too much—chemotherapy, radiotherapy…even surgery—but nothing had worked except to bring her more pain. Her tumor, discovered during the car accident that had cost her parents' lives, had kept growing, isolating her from humanity as it took more and more control. They had all watched as she faded from them; watched as her body became thinner than nothing more than a mere skeleton; watched her smile vanish as she lost the will to fight on, lost the will to live.

They stood outside her door now, watching the young man cradle her in his strong arms.

The rain continued their merciless splatter over the ground outside the hospital windows. Collectively, the nurses turned from the heartbreaking scene before them and went aside to give the boy some privacy.

At least she'll have someone with her before she joins her parents in the graveyard.

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"I will give you my life." He whispered suddenly, his tearstained face pale yet hopeful in his last resort. "Chihiro…I will give you my life."

Knowing full well she couldn't hear him, he smiled sadly down at her thin face. Lifting her chin gently with a finger, he pulled her even closer and kissed her—a soft, gentle, passionate first kiss. His lips lingered on hers, as if never wanting to part, never wanting to lose that feeling which burned upon them as he sat and held the girl he loved.

Vaguely, she felt the tickling sensation of his dark grey hair against her forehead and an incredible warmth on her lips, making her heart beat faster, making all the pain disappear momentarily.

Haltingly, the warmth disappeared as her beloved withdrew his arms, seeming to stand. Comprehension seemed to strike her as she forced all of her strength in a desperate attempt to grab his arm.

"D-do..don't…d-do…t-that…Haku. On-onegai. Don't."

Pulling him beside her once more, she leaned into his arms and sighed contentedly.

_Allow me to be selfish, my Love. I would rather die a million deaths, than to know that _you _would disappear from existence. Allow me to be selfish…I have what I want already—you're here, right beside me._

_You're really here._

Lifting shinny brown eyes to stare unseeingly at him, images of the past flooded into the girl's mind: happy memories of better days, filled with laughter and joy. The promise they had made that day, so naïve and innocent…the promise she had made to him in her heart, steadfast until death and after.

_I will always love you._

"Ha-haku…" I tried to gather my last breaths…

"Aishiteru, Chihiro." He whispered, "Itsumo…aishiteru."

_Aishiteru, Haku._

The machines beeped loudly, their mechanical wails echoing in the seemingly empty room. Outside, the thick clouds parted for the first time in weeks; the heavy raindrops gave way to a fine, shimmery mist.

The moon shone brightly against the black sky, its rays gently spilling in the dark room, illuminating and reflecting off the mirrors of water.

The machines continued to beep.

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::beams:: well that certainly wasn't expected…oh…hihi minna-san!! Gomen nasai ne…since school has once again started, I don't think I'll have time to update my ongoing Spirited Away ficcie again till December… T.T ::ducks multiple flying objects:: BUT! Hopefully this one-shot (which I entirely didn't intend to write…on man, my first midterm is this Thursday!! o.O) will be of _some _consolation? Hehehe…

Just as a lil bonus…seeing how my other two one-shots have a choice of endings that I couldn't work into this one…here's the alternative ending I mentioned at the start of this ficcie! I won't blab again at the end…but thanks everyone for reading and reviewing!

Note: Read only if you hated the other ending, or want a happier ending…

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The tears fell from his eyes, irrepressible, uncontrollable. He couldn't move; he couldn't stop himself from shaking. Haku simply sat there, cradling the now lifeless girl in his arms and staring at her face, which had moments ago seemed so alive…

Which had moments ago shone with unmistakable love for him.

"No…Chihiro…nononono_NOOOOOOOO_!!" He tried to scream as loudly as he could.

His voice came up a bare heated whisper.

He let his head rest against her forehead, unwilling to accept her death.

"You can't leave me like this…Chihiro…you can't leave me… Please…tell me this isn't real…come back to me…come back…"

The gentle rays of the moon illuminated the lonely hospital room, shinning with sympathy for the grieved young river spirit. A shadow blocked the moon's rays momentarily before vanishing again. Lifting his tear-streaked face, Haku gasped as the spirit of his angel stood before him—the face of the girl that he loves, restored fully to health, in the body of her spirit. Spreading her newly grown wings behind her, she smiled shyly at him.

Haku laid Chihiro's body gently on her bed. Looking back at the spirit before him, he felt his eyes afresh with tears all over again as the same emotion reflected back at him from the girl's eyes.

"Haku…" she whispered to him as tears rolled down her smooth cheeks, her eyes shinning with all her love for him.

And he ran towards her.

Embracing one another tightly, he, too, began to transform into his spiritual form.

"Let's go home, my Love." He whispered in her ear.

The nurses came into the dark hospital room to find their lifeless patient all alone, save for a glowing light pink feather drifting out the window.

In the distance, the glowing outline of a silver dragon and a lightpink-winged angel could be seen, flying together towards the unknown beyond.

_Until death and ever after, _

_Let us never part…_

_For I will always love you.___

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Aqua Sunshine n.n


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